He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's never too late to be topless.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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