watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize