DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
