distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize