I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
