My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
