That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
