When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
