Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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