everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We left an ass print on the piano.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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