I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
