It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
