She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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