five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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