he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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