oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
