Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
