Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
