I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize