I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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