$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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