she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ladies don't puke and tell
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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