Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
