there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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