mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This house was built for laser tag.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
