I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
