shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize