All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
