you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
