i think my mom watched the whole time
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
