Where is the hickey?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
