You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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