What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
