i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
