She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
