my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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