Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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