there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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