But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize