i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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