i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
