I just pynch a tree in the face
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
is wine microwaveable?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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