dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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