she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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