my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't deserve a penis
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
