I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Randomize
