Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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