I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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