I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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