I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
