I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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