i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
