Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
