Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
