She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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