You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you never un-have a 4some
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
