ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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