So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
