dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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