Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
