I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize