im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm at about main and main street
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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