So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
