there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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