remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
