my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
